Hobo 4 Total War Game Review

Review: Hobo 4 Total War

“Edit: after doing my review I've seen that Hobo 4 Total War actually came out in 2010. It was just recently uploaded on newgrounds the time of this review, so I thought it was a new title. My bad, but I will eventually review the newest title in this series in the near future. Thanks for  following intrawebzgaming guys :). “

Hobo 4 Total war is a vulgar and fun as hell beat-em up fighting game. I love these types of games, which with some of my favorites being the “Streets of Rage” and “Double Dragon” series. The main character Hobo has a very unique type of fighting style that I don’t think I've ever seen before. I guess you could call it nastybodyfluid style type of martial arts.

The story here picks up after Hobo 3. The entire world sees Hobo as a public menace and wants him dead. The government calls in the army to take Hobo out by any means necessary. The army is packing guns, grenades, rocket launches, helicopters, and tanks to rid the world of this walking puking, pooping, and plain old nasty plague. Hobo is not intimidated in the least bit, and is ready for anything and will kill anybody by using his unique gifts.

poop cannon FIRE!!!

The art style is cartoon and comical, sort in the same line as Alien Hominid only more obscene and vulgar. It doesn't hold back at all when it comes to violence and obscene images. Enemies spurt blood from there face, when you hit and shoot them. When Hobo uses his combos such as puking and pooping, it is not just a little bit of poop. He completely covers his enemies and you literately see them covered in kaka. It had me laughing my butt off the first time I performed one these combos. If you’re offended easily I would suggest you not play this game, as Hobo's whole arsenal of moves are nasty.  

Haha look at Hobo's face he looks so pleased with himself.

The game play is extremely addicting. I love beat-em ups and this one just has so much going for it. Hobo has 15 different combos he can perform, so fighting enemies never gets redundant or boring. I’ll be fighting a group of three and then decide I want to use my eyeballs to knock em around, and then finish em off by pissing on them HAHAHA. It’s just plain awesome. The pooping and puking attacks are very good ranged attacks, where you can flee to the end of the screen and hit your enemies with for max damage from afar. The only thing your really need to watch out for is soldiers with guns and grenades. Generally I can take them out if there is only one, however if two get to opposite sides of the screen and get you in the middle it can give you a lot of trouble, and they tend to do a lot of damage. The only sad thing is that it is pretty short, but there are 3 other titles to play, so that's totally forgivable.  Hobo 4 Total War is just a lot of fun and ends on cliff hanger, so I’m sure there will be another installment coming at us.

I’m giving Hobo 4 Total War 5 poop covered soldiers out of 5

“HAHAHAHA I just crapped all over that guy he looks so pissed … wait I think I’ll do that next”

OVERALL SCORE: 5

Created by SeethingSwarm

Hosted on armorgames.com

Flashback Friday Defend Your Castle Retrospect

Retrospect: Defend Your Castle

For the flashback game today I have chosen another classic from the past. This title comes from xgenstudios.com is probable their most known game Defend Your Castle. The game was originally release in 2003 and practically started defend scenario web games. I use to waste hours in computer labs playing this game and trying to get as far as possible. Now 10 years later we will see how well it has held up.

The story here is that there is invading army of stickman who wants nothing but to tear your castle down. The come wave by wave until the reach their goal. It’s up to you to defend your castle as long as you can.

The visuals are nothing impressive by today’s standards. The castle is very generic. The scenery is just a grass field with clouds passing overhead. All the game units are stickman with white faces. Your units just differ by color of faces.

The game play is fun but can get very tedious. To defend your castle from the sticks you have to individual click on each one and throw them high enough so that when they hit the ground they splatter. At first this is very easy with only a few stickman attacking your castle, but in latter waves it gets extremely hard and tedious. There are upgrades for your castle including fortifying it to make it stronger from attacks. You can also get an archery upgrade, suicide bombers, repairman upgrade, and wizard upgrade, which will help you fight off the enemy attacks. Before you can hire additional units though, you have to convert enemy units to your side by buying the temple upgrade and placing an enemy in your castle. The game also has a save feature which you can save after every wave, so there is no need to start all the way over if your castle becomes overrun.

Why do upgrades cost so much >:(

After playing the game after all these years it not as much fun as I remember. The biggest flaw I see is this game does not run well on a newer computer. The game runs much faster than I remember making the difficulty extremely hard. After playing 45 minutes and two retires I could only get to level 11. I just can’t keep up with all the units. I have many archers and I have to spam suicide bombers just to last on stage 11. The game is still fun, but I just which a lot the upgrades didn't cost so much, the wizard upgrade alone is 40,000p. Units also cost points, after every wave if you don’t have enough points left over to pay your units they leave. If the upgrades cost much less you could put more points into fortifying your castle and keeping your units, which would give you more of a fighting chance.

When the Wii first launched there WiiWare game distribution service in 2008, one the first titles was a remade version of defend your castle. It was tone-down, so there was no blood and the stickman were made of buttons. Defend your castle is still a good game, but with so many new defense type games available online is not as a glamorous as it once was. If you want to get the best experience of Defend Your Castle I would suggest playing it on an old PC from the early 2000’s or play the WiiWare version.

I’m giving Defend Your Castle 3 splattering stickman out of 5

“OH god their tearing down the door … DO SOMETHING!!!”

OVERALL SCORE: 3

Created by xgenstudios

Hosted on xgenstudios.com

The Final Boss Game Review

Review: The Final Boss
 

Remember fast pace end bosses from old side scrolling games such as Sonic, Megaman, and Gun Star Heroes? Well here’s a game that takes everything else out and just gives us that epic conclusion without anything else.

It does in a way so perfect. It starts just like an end game situation would. It’s the final level you conquered it all and the only thing that stands in your way is the main villain with his last doomsday device. You have no more lives, no more continues, and your health is 0. If you take one hit you’re gone, game over.

The visuals are classic old-school. The sprite work looks like a classic Genesis or SNES title. The background this epic, the fight is taking place in what looks like a base of an evil organization. The main character kinda resembles Megaman a robotic warrior type, and the machine is huge and intimidating.

Oh Crap don't die don't die :o

The score is heavy metal which I’m usually not that fond of, but here it works. It’s the last level and the last boss all hell has broken loose.  You need this music to amp you up to release your inner gamer at 110% to beat this and you’re going to need it to win. In this instance I love heavy metal and I’m ready to win.

Now I’d like to tell you I played this game once and won, but I didn’t. Like an old Nintendo era game its hard. You have to memorize its pattern if you’re going to win and I can’t do that on the first several play throughs.

The game play is fun as hell. The boss reminds me of an end boss on gun star heroes for the Sega Genesis. You can change gravity to the floor and to the ceiling to avoid the enemy machine projectiles while you shower the enemy with your laser canon. After each section of the machine you defeat, the boss changes his strategy and pattern and you have to adapt fast. As it goes on it gets faster and way harder. I’m a sucker for boss battles like this. It’s my favorite way to end a video game.

If you’re a fan old classic side scrollers than you will love this game. It recapture gaming from my youth so I got to rate it high.

I’m giving The Final Boss 4 super mega cannons out of 5

“I GOT THIS I GOT THIS … YES EAT IT EVIL I BEAT YOU”

OVERALL SCORE: 4

Created by xdgames

Music by Alex Malishev

Hosted on armorgames.com

Weak Wednesday Talk Game Review

Review: Talk

I just I don’t know … I really have no idea what to say about this game.

Talk is dull, boring, annoying, and just plain bad.

The story is … who the hell knows.  In the beginning you get a vague message “All meanings ,we know, depend on the key of interpretation” . I have no idea next.

How are the graphics? Crap, we have stick figures with no animation, six year old created ms paint faces, gray and white striped floors, green squares, and red squares. What the heck is going on here I would like to know?

The sound, thankfully is rich and wonderful with a fast paced energetic score… I’m just kidding ITS FREAKEN ANNOYING BEEPING. Seriously what the hell is this thing am I even reviewing a web game? Nope it says it’s a game people.

What the heck is that thing???

Game play, ha ha what game play?  You move you’re little floating green stick guy into other stick guys for about 5 minutes that it. When you touch another stick guy a mini game pops up with a ms paint monstration flapping its mouth. You then can move a green square which does nothing and click one of three face choices. You can choose mad face, neutral face, or happy face. Oh that’s it by the way that’s the game.

Was my review confusing? Well I’m confused of what I just did. This game is stupid. I’m guessing it’s trying to be artistic in some way, its tag says experimental. But come on man this is awful, just plain awful. What’s the title mean, what’s the flapping ms paint people mean, what’s the green square portions mean, what do the faces mean, WHAT DOES ANYTHING MEAN!

thrilling visuals :7

I can’t even rate this game. I want to give it a 0 out of 5, but I don’t think it deserves my judgement. No no you’re note getting anything from me “talk”.

I'm giving Talk – out of *

“why is there and why do you and how do you … AAAGHHH”

Overall score: go to hell game!

Created by PoshRaven

Hosted on newgrounds.com  

I think in a Minute or so I will explode Game Review

Review: I think in a Minute or so I will explode

 

This one has a rather long interesting title that I think I will refer to as “I will explode”. Anyways, I will explode is a simple game but had me playing it for 40 minutes.

The story has a general of some sort from some nation??? Explaining that it is the hero’s job to climb to the moon to bring honor to their nation. It’s a little weird but doesn't really have anything to do with the game play. The hero also has an exploding collar on his neck, so whatever you do don’t stop or you will explode hence the title.

Graphics are very simple, when I first started right off the bat it reminded me of an old Game boy game on a Game boy pocket (not the original as it was black and green tone). The hero reminds me of a chao from Sonic Adventure mini-game, with big head and little body. The screen changes colors upon selecting a deselecting color blocks you want.

The game has you jumping up and up continuous the entire time jumping from block to block. The game will only let you jump to color blocks you have active at the time. To jump to white blocks you have to switch color to white and to jump to black highlight black. There are few special blocks which can spawn crushers, launch you up, or launch you down. My favorite part is you can wall grab the blocks which I use most the time to make my way up.

It’s very simplistic to the core, but if you’re in right mood like me when I played it, then you will have a lot of fun. If not you might get bored very fast.

I’m giving I think in a Minute or so I will explode 3 exploding heads out of 5

“What I’m not jumping up blocks you crazy AHH BLAGHDAG ….. “

OVERALL SCORE: 3

Design: Hangedman

Hosted on newgrounds.com

Flashback Friday Alien Hominid Game Retrospect

Retrospect: Alien Hominid

Like Wednesday I've decided that Friday will also be a themed day here on the intrawebs. It will be known as “Flashback Friday” from hence forth. I will take a look at old games from the 90’s and early 2000’s, probable with a cutoff date around 2005. By doing this, it gives me access to all the great web games made since the birth of the web. Ill mostly be looking at well known high rated games, and also judging how well the game has held together all these years.  I hope you all enjoy this new section on site.

For the first Flashback Friday I’m going to look at one of the most well-known web games and probable the second most iconic figure besides Pico to come from newgrounds.com. I’m of course referring to the one and only Alien from Alien Hominid. The game launched on newgrounds.com in late summer of 2002 and was programmed by none other than newgrounds founder Tom Flup and the game art was done by Dan Paladin. So how does it hold up after 11 years? Let’s find out.

The story here is that an alien has crash landed here on earth, and out of all the places he could land, he lands in the worst spot ever, right in front of the US FBI Building. Right from the start every FBI Agent wants him dead and from there the story is unknown. If I had to guess I would say he just wants to fix his ship and go home, but he may also be a scout for an alien invasion. Who knows?

The art work done by Dan Paladin is Awesome. Some other games by Dan and Tom include “Dad and Me” and “Castle Crashers” on Xbox live arcade. His style is his own, a very unique look you see nowhere else. Everything looks hand drawn with colorful, cartoony, and funny animation. Even today you couldn't tell when it was made. A lot games and flash videos back then were made using game sprites from snes and genesis titles. It defiantly stood out in 2002 from everything else.

The game play is action packed, fast paced, fun, and challenging. When I first played it I got my butt handed to me hard. The FBI agents are no push overs what so ever and they move very fast and shoot often. Even today some people complain about the difficulty and slam the well-designed game. In truth you just gotta master the game play mechanics which can take a little time. For starters if you stay duck down the entire game you should make it to the end as all bullets go over the aliens head. The best way I find is to ride the agents and let the other agents shoot the one you're riding. You also get a combo score by doing this called a freak attack. Usually at most there are two agents on screen with more spawning every time you kill one. There are two power-ups for the alien’s gun, a fire upgrade and a electric one that tears through all the agents. There is also a melee weapon that works when you’re right by an agent. The best weapon, and my favorite is the alien’s mouth, where you can bite the agents head off after riding on their backs and instill fear into the other agents watching. The biggest short coming of this game is its length. It is only one stage long and then it’s over. Now today with some games being very long, for example Aqua boy, it took me an hour to beat that game but it wasn't as difficult. Plus this made in 2002 and the level of quality and programming put in, you can just tell doing the one level was tough enough, so I can let it slide.

YEEEEEEHAAAAW

In 2004 A full game of Alien Hominid was made for the PS2 with 25 levels based on the 2002 release game and received an above average score from most critics. I think the original holds up very well today and is still a great game.  

I’m going to give Alien Hominid 5 Headless Agents out of 5

“Did I kill the kid? Yezz im a bad person :(”

OVERALL SCORE: 5

Art by Dan Paladin

Programming by Tom Fulp

Music by LHM
Hosted on newgrounds.com