Weak Wednesday Motor Kiss Game Review

Review: Motor Kiss

Today is Wednesday, so you know I got a great game for you all today right? Naw just kidding, it’s a very bad game today. Today’s game is called Motor Kiss, and the object is to make out while riding your scooter. Sound really stupid? Well it is, it is completely dumb and is void of all entertainment what so ever.  For the most part it is just boring because you really don’t do anything besides click the screen.

Story here is that you payed a hooker to ride a bike with you, and while riding you want the hooker to make out with you, because well apparently that’s what your into. While making out, you don’t wanna be seen because you’re super shy and feel embarrassed if anyone sees you kissing. Okay well the hooker part I made up, but come on who has an idea like this for a game? If anything it should be cops that you wanna look at for, because really you can’t see the road at all if your making out with someone. Plus its just sending a bad message to kids with the characters not wearing helmets (come on guys that just irresponsible).

Okay the visuals are not half bad here. Everything has been drawn out by hand and is the best highlight about the game, but that’s the only thing going for it. I especially like the detail on the scouters and motorcycles you can see bolts and sections which make them look realistic. But that’s about the only positive thing I have to say about Motor Kiss.

um ya maybe you should watch where you're going guy?

The game play is an absolute joke. All you do is make out with a girl while people passing by are not in your line of view. If a passer-by sees you making out you lose a heart and if you lose 3 hearts its game over. You also have timer and a meter called the Love Loader which you fill by kissing. In order to beat the level you must completely fill the love loader within the time limit. There are only 3 stages but I only made it to stage 2 because I got bored, and figured I had enough to work with for the review. This game is sort of a rip off of “Hide The Fart” where you have to hide your farts by noise coming from traffic but if you get caught you lose. The major flaw with the game besides its premise is that it suffers the same problems of Slender Survival in that it is way too simplistic and boring. There just needs to be more to do and more that happens.

I’m giving Motor Kiss 1 hot pink scouter out of 5

“Hey baby let’s make out .. Aw crap that girl saw us oh hey watch out fOR THAT CAR BAMMM!!!”

OVERALL SCORE: 1

Created by ???

Hosted on to43.com

Weak Wednesday Talk Game Review

Review: Talk

I just I don’t know … I really have no idea what to say about this game.

Talk is dull, boring, annoying, and just plain bad.

The story is … who the hell knows.  In the beginning you get a vague message “All meanings ,we know, depend on the key of interpretation” . I have no idea next.

How are the graphics? Crap, we have stick figures with no animation, six year old created ms paint faces, gray and white striped floors, green squares, and red squares. What the heck is going on here I would like to know?

The sound, thankfully is rich and wonderful with a fast paced energetic score… I’m just kidding ITS FREAKEN ANNOYING BEEPING. Seriously what the hell is this thing am I even reviewing a web game? Nope it says it’s a game people.

What the heck is that thing???

Game play, ha ha what game play?  You move you’re little floating green stick guy into other stick guys for about 5 minutes that it. When you touch another stick guy a mini game pops up with a ms paint monstration flapping its mouth. You then can move a green square which does nothing and click one of three face choices. You can choose mad face, neutral face, or happy face. Oh that’s it by the way that’s the game.

Was my review confusing? Well I’m confused of what I just did. This game is stupid. I’m guessing it’s trying to be artistic in some way, its tag says experimental. But come on man this is awful, just plain awful. What’s the title mean, what’s the flapping ms paint people mean, what’s the green square portions mean, what do the faces mean, WHAT DOES ANYTHING MEAN!

thrilling visuals :7

I can’t even rate this game. I want to give it a 0 out of 5, but I don’t think it deserves my judgement. No no you’re note getting anything from me “talk”.

I'm giving Talk – out of *

“why is there and why do you and how do you … AAAGHHH”

Overall score: go to hell game!

Created by PoshRaven

Hosted on newgrounds.com  

Weak Wednesday Slender Survival Game Review

Review: Slender Survival 

Okay so here on the Intrawebz I've decided to have Wednesdays be all about bad web games. A game will be targeted in this category if it is (crappy, stupid, boring, unoriginal, or all the above). Now I don’t mean to just pick on the bad games here. I know people work very hard to create and express their ideas with their games and I will try to point out anything I like about it first, before I stab it with my verbal sword. So look forward to every Wednesday which I am now dubbing WEAK WEDNESDAY on the Intrawebz.

Slender: The Eight Pages is a game that has become huge all over the Interwebz. Anybody reading my blog here knows who Slender Man is. If you haven’t played it you at least heard about it or seen a meme describing the scary white face figure wearing a suit. Now that I'm pointing that out, no I’m not ripping on Slender which was created by Parsec Productions. I’m ripping on a little flash game that was based on it called Slender Survival. The best word I could use to describe it is capital ‘B’ oring.

Now first off I will talk about the pluses, which there aren't  many. It’s got that horror atmosphere like the source it was based upon. The sound to the game is perfect. It’s quiet but has that shrieking otherworldly Slender Man sound playing in background. First time playing I was on edge waiting for the demon figure to pop out and murder me.

Oh no don't hurt me cardboard SM  :-7

That is until I started playing and figured out all you do is walk left and right. Yup that’s it. You walk to left then walk to the right collecting pages. Not only that but you have a stamina bar that goes down every time you walk. Now I could understand that if my character was say “RUNNING”, but walking come on. I mean if the avatar on screen was a huge "350 pound guy walking through the creepy woods I would understand, but he looks like a fit young man in his 20’s to me. Not only that but slender is not scary at all. His standing stiff like a cardboard cutout and just floats after you when he is on screen.

The graphics suck. Its very pixely and doesn't look very good. There is a field, fog, and a cabin in the background, with obstructing trees in the foreground and it just loops over and over like a Flintstones cartoon.

Now I know it’s just a simple little game that you’re trying to get a high score on but man it’s so boring and dull. There are tons of games where your object is to last as long as you can heck it’s how games started. The reason I believe it has gotten a decent score to begin with is because it’s got slender in it. If you take him out, no one would like this game.

Now I don’t think this game is a lost cause. If there were rounds with different backgrounds, obstacles to avoid, speed up game play, and made slender increase in aggression per round that be a start. Could you image? You would get to round 10 and slender would be all Cthulhu on your ass that would be awesome.

I’m going to give Slender Survival a 1 cardboard Slender Man out 5

OVERALL SCORE: 1

“maybe the reason this guy has a hard time walking is because he has asthma … wheres the inhaler upgrade!!!”

Developed by Bruno Dev and Zanzlanz

Hosted on newgrounds.com