Review: Slender Survival
Okay so here on the Intrawebz I've decided to have Wednesdays
be all about bad web games. A game will be targeted in this category if it is (crappy,
stupid, boring, unoriginal, or all the above). Now I don’t mean to just pick on
the bad games here. I know people work very hard to create and express their ideas
with their games and I will try to point out anything I like about it first, before
I stab it with my verbal sword. So look forward to every Wednesday which I am now
dubbing WEAK WEDNESDAY on the Intrawebz.
Slender: The Eight Pages is a game that has become huge all
over the Interwebz. Anybody reading my blog here knows who Slender Man is. If
you haven’t played it you at least heard about it or seen a meme describing the
scary white face figure wearing a suit. Now that I'm pointing that out, no I’m
not ripping on Slender which was created by Parsec Productions. I’m ripping on
a little flash game that was based on it called Slender Survival. The best word
I could use to describe it is capital ‘B’ oring.
Now first off I will talk about the pluses, which there aren't many.
It’s got that horror atmosphere like the source it was based upon. The sound to
the game is perfect. It’s quiet but has that shrieking otherworldly Slender Man
sound playing in background. First time playing I was on edge waiting for the
demon figure to pop out and murder me.
 |
| Oh no don't hurt me cardboard SM :-7 |
That is until I started playing and figured out all you do
is walk left and right. Yup that’s it. You walk to left then walk to the right
collecting pages. Not only that but you have a stamina bar that goes down every
time you walk. Now I could understand that if my character was say “RUNNING”, but walking come on. I mean if the avatar on screen was a huge "350 pound guy
walking through the creepy woods I would understand, but he looks like a fit
young man in his 20’s to me. Not only that but slender is not scary at all. His
standing stiff like a cardboard cutout and just floats after you when he is on
screen.
The graphics suck. Its very pixely and doesn't look very good. There is a field, fog, and a cabin in
the background, with obstructing trees in the foreground and it just loops over
and over like a Flintstones cartoon.
Now I know it’s just a simple little game that you’re trying
to get a high score on but man it’s so boring and dull. There are tons of games
where your object is to last as long as you can heck it’s how games started. The
reason I believe it has gotten a decent score to begin with is because it’s got slender
in it. If you take him out, no one would like this game.
Now I don’t think this game is a lost cause. If there were
rounds with different backgrounds, obstacles to avoid, speed up game play, and
made slender increase in aggression per round that be a start. Could you image?
You would get to round 10 and slender would be all Cthulhu on your ass that
would be awesome.
I’m going to give Slender Survival a 1 cardboard Slender Man
out 5
OVERALL SCORE: 1
“maybe the reason this guy has a hard time walking is because he has asthma … wheres the inhaler upgrade!!!”
Developed by Bruno Dev and Zanzlanz
Hosted on newgrounds.com
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